I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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