I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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