Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
