i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
