I think I am morally bankrupt
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
