Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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