I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
