So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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