why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
