Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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