They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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