It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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