So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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