i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
