Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
