I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
