There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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