fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
