well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
