did you get engaged???
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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