You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
