I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
