he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
