He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
