Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
