The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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