Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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