I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
