Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
