I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
