had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
