I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
