Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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