i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
