brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
