i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
