we're blogging at a bar
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
