I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's blow job season.
I think your dad took our porno
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
