I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
