Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize