franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My vagina is very pro this idea
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
