Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
