office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
