hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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