Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize