If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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