So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
