Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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