STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
