I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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