his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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