you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
