Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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