Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
