in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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