Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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