oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
