Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
