Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
