fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
