I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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