that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
