Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
